A Prickly Client

Dearest Grandmamma,

Gracious and sagacious one, resplendent over eons,

This morning I took my new client to meet the other Partners. It was a first for me; up till now most clients were assigned to me, and any new clients I brought in were a draggle-tailed lot, so it was never a pleasant meeting on either side.

At HE&A we start most days in the boardroom. Happy likes to insist on our spending just a few minutes to inform each other of any developments with implications for the Firm as a whole. At first I thought this was an excuse for the partners to push each other into arriving earlier in a contest to see who was first to the Chair. Then it began to seem as though the partner whose cases were most successful, or were about to be most successful, usually had the Chair in the morning no matter who had arrived first. Now I'm trying to figure out whether it is the Chair choosing, or whether Happy and Ever just know...

Until now I've not had much of anything to contribute, and I'd never even contemplated being the one to sit through a meeting, but this morning was different. This morning I had news: Briar Castle was awake; I had an insider source on the royals; and I could introduce my new client, Princess Briar Rose, and her friend McLaren. I guess it is the Chair that knows ... I'd seen it in dragon shape for After or the Old Man, but this was the first time I saw it in that form for me.

Rose's eyes grew big when she saw the partners, but she addressed the Chair as though she'd done it all her life (I suppose she had), and curtseyed most elegantly to the partners. Then she addressed the table as well albeit in a rather informal manner. Specifically, she squeaked, "That's Uncle Arthur's table! What's he doing here? How wonderful to see you!" and dropped a kiss on a great knot in the wood. There were two other knots above it, and one of them seemed to wink at her.

Happy knocked her pickaxe on the floor for order, and asked what the Firm could do for her.

Rose said, "I wish to obtain and maintain independence from my family. Specifically I wish access to my dowry, and the right to chose whether and when to marry and whom I shall marry." She glanced at McLaren, who nodded encouragingly. She went on, "I understand that, in this new world in which I find myself, I may encounter complex problems that are currently solved by legal means. I wish to engage Happy, Ever and After and especially Toby to advise me, and when necessary act for me."

The partners exchanged glances. A princess without dowry or inheritance was just a pretty and talented beggar... Even if Briar Castle could be sold, there would be many claims ahead of hers for the proceeds just pensions for staff and maintenance for retired (if necessary, forcibly retired) royals would cost more than a drafty castle on a rocky hilltop could possibly bring in. Antiques, artwork could be valuable . . .

Rose interrupted this unspoken calculation. With casual grace she drew a heavy gold chain from her pocket, and held it out, over the table. She opened her slim hand, letting the pendant fall free refracting shards of light in all directions. She paused for a moment to let us admire it, then laid it with care on her Uncle Arthur's table, and stepped back.

My stomach lurched. I could think of nothing but, Oh my Hoard, oh my aching Hoard; and the other partners seemed to be similarly affected. A diamond, 50 carats, maybe, 53, even 55? and my third eye said, "Flawless."

"I understand," Rose said, "that it is the custom among you in this age to make a deposit when one retains legal advice, against which payment may be drawn when a statement is presented for work done or expenses incurred." She looked again at McLaren, who must have sat up all night coaching this performance, and again McLaren nodded. "I understand that you would not simply accept a Royal promise of payment, which, knowing my family as I do, I deem wise. If the chain and gem be of acceptable value, as my new friend McLaren has assured me they should be, I shall happily place them in your safekeeping, and feel free to call upon you for such services as I may require, until their value is exhausted."

The partners agreed, with more alacrity and politeness than I'd ever seen them exhibit before. I won't bore you, Grandmamma, by repeating the fawning speeches they made to her. But quickly they switched to asking how she came to be awake, and in their office, and who exactly was in the castle, and in what state had she left them?

McLaren poked Rose, who dimpled beautifully and pointed out in the most charming possible manner that, if she was to satisfy their curiosity about general matters unrelated to her needs, the time so passed should not be billed to her account. Happy usually looks mournful, but I hadn't seen her so close to tears since she spent a week and a half negotiating a retainer contract with her old pals Grumpy and Doc, and their new friend Thrifty who had taken Happy's place on the team. Ever had to do his elven eyebrow waggle twice before Happy regained control and nodded agreement to Rose's condition.

How, they asked, had she awakened? Had some prince slipped in, or had the spell simply expired of old age?

Rose giggled sweetly. "Of course it was a prince! Minsky kissed me, Minsky is my Prince." She picked him up, and danced around the room crooning to him, "Minsky is my prinsky; Minsky is my prinsky!" She did it with such charm that she didn't look silly, she looked quite good enough to eat.

Not, may I say, a good strategy in a room with a dragon. After may not think much of my self control, Grandmama, but I did not drool... Much.

She slowed, stopped, and looked into the silence. "I don't have to do that anymore, do I?" she asked.

Ever shook his head. "Never again," he told her. "How did Minsky get into the Castle?"

"He was there all along. He came in with the birthday gifts, in a basket with ribbons. I was playing with him before I went to sleep."

"No, I wasn't," said Minsky. "That was my great15th aunt Tatiana Alexandrova. She went to sleep with you; she was waking up under your chair when we left. We ought to get her out."

"And Mother," said Rose. "I do so want to talk with her, and know that she's safe. Though maybe she'll want to stay at first, to keep things calm and look after the staff. But I do wish she'd come and look after me."

"Don't be such a baby," said Minsky.

Rose caught him with a backhand slap that spun him into the wall. I was surprised at how quick she was; I'd never been able to lay a claw on him.

Minsky got to his feet, shook his head as if to clear it, and said, "That wasn't very nice!"

"You weren't listening," said Rose. "I don't have to be nice any more."

"Well, behave like a respectable woman, not a ham-handed dock-worker!"

"You want respect, you give respect, fuzzball."

The partners were looking at me, so I said, "Perhaps you two can finish getting acquainted after we finish here otherwise I'm afraid this will be getting into billable hours."

They simmered down and told the partners the gist of the story. Since Minsky wanted all the credit, he minimized my part. I didn't say anything; I'm pleased with any story that gets told without any of it being my fault.

Rose had only a rough idea how many people might be in the Castle "about 14 royals, 32 aristocrats, and enough courtiers and servants to keep them more or less out of trouble," was how she put it. Yes, they were all waking up as she and Minsky fled. She ran away because of the princes; if she had stayed, she'd have marry the first one who kissed her (even if he hadn't technically wakened her; her father was apt to overlook details like that) within the month.

The partners reassured her that in our day and age, nobody could force her to marry anyone she didn't chose.

She replied doubtfully, "I guess I really am in your day and age now? I'll need some time to get used to it Daddy and Uncle Duke and cousin Twentyhands are really scary, and I was in their day and age all my life until a few hours ago."

McLaren said, "Maybe it would help if you could see something of the city? You need some toiletries and clothing even if you can get your stuff from the Castle, you'll want some Briar Neustadt styles. Let's go shopping! Meet you for lunch at Allo Jo's, Toby?"

So Briar Rose and McLaren went shopping, leaving me to start preparing how best to convince the King that his day and age were truly over.

With greatest love and respect,

Yours, Toby